Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

“Put a Little South in Your Mouth”

March 10th, 2009 · 3 Comments

whyporkrindsWorking on the screenplay yesterday, I spent way too many minutes groping for a way to describe a character’s gluttonous nature. I first described him as a fan of chicken gizzards, then of chicken skins, then of melted lard. I was close to wit’s end when the solution dawned on me: Pvt. Kelvin Brackett loves him some pork rinds, much like a certain former president.

Nerd that I am, I couldn’t help spending the next 30 minutes delving into the minutiae of this classically awful-for-you snack. This Taquitos.net round-up was a particularly pleasing time-waster; it contains reviews of more than four dozen pork-rind products, including such melt-your-artery gems as Mac’s Bar-B-Cue Flavored Old Plantation Pork Rinds (containing torula yeast) and Yummies Zambos Tajaditas de Plátano (plantains plus pig scrapings, all in the same bag).

The porcine mascot pictured above shills for Evans Food, owner of such mainstay pork-rind brands as Crooked Creek and Hog Heaven. If you’d prefer to preserve the mystery of the industrial pork-rind process, don’t click here.

By sheer coincidence, today’s A.V. Club has a feature on microwaveable pork rinds. Purists, of course, avoid such novelties like the plague. As does Microkhan.

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3 Comments so far ↓

  • Barry Yeoman

    Love this from Evans’ web site:
    “In-house pellet cooking provides Evans with fresh oil as a valuable asset used for popping. The end result is a vertically integrated production line. The cost savings and increased quality of pork rinds and pork cracklins are benefits for our customer.”

  • Ricardo Gutierrez

    http://www.taquitos.net/chips/MoFongo_Snax

    I had these recently in the Dominican Republic. They are similar to the Yummies you mentioned, but with extra treats. While the pork rinds were definitely the best part, the yuca and mofongo were also tasty and helped break up the flavor so you don’t have pork rind overload. If I start seeing them in local bodegas, I might be in trouble.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    Yeah, the Mofong Snax caught my eye, too. Come to think of it, I really should’ve mentioned all the chicharron joints on E. 116th. There’s one I’ve been dying to try out, right by the 6 train stop–you name hog part, they’ll fry it. (“Lips? Sure, no problem!”) Every time I pass, though, my arteries scream out in protest, so I’ve yet to make the plunge. Will have to dull ’em with a few shots of Crown Royal first, then go for the gusto. Come to think of it, that’s how I first worked up the gall to try blood pudding…

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