Working on the screenplay yesterday, I spent way too many minutes groping for a way to describe a character’s gluttonous nature. I first described him as a fan of chicken gizzards, then of chicken skins, then of melted lard. I was close to wit’s end when the solution dawned on me: Pvt. Kelvin Brackett loves him some pork rinds, much like a certain former president.
Nerd that I am, I couldn’t help spending the next 30 minutes delving into the minutiae of this classically awful-for-you snack. This Taquitos.net round-up was a particularly pleasing time-waster; it contains reviews of more than four dozen pork-rind products, including such melt-your-artery gems as Mac’s Bar-B-Cue Flavored Old Plantation Pork Rinds (containing torula yeast) and Yummies Zambos Tajaditas de Plátano (plantains plus pig scrapings, all in the same bag).
The porcine mascot pictured above shills for Evans Food, owner of such mainstay pork-rind brands as Crooked Creek and Hog Heaven. If you’d prefer to preserve the mystery of the industrial pork-rind process, don’t click here.
By sheer coincidence, today’s A.V. Club has a feature on microwaveable pork rinds. Purists, of course, avoid such novelties like the plague. As does Microkhan.