Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

“Your Highness Learns Fast”

April 24th, 2009 · 6 Comments


There are few films less deserving of a big-budget remake than Red Sonja. It plays more like a sword-and-sorcery spoof than a genuine adventure, due in large part to the most awful dialogue this side of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation—as well as the craven addition of a Short Round-style sidekick. If memory serves, Red Sonja was actually supposed to be another Conan film. But having realized what a hash they’d made, its producers wisely chose to saddle Brigitte Nielsen with the infamy.

Can the dude behind Highlander:Endgame actually make next year’s Red Sonja revamp halfway decent? Color Microkhan the deepest shade of skeptical, especially since Rose McGowan doesn’t strike us as particularly bad-ass. Though she did survive her whole Marilyn Manson phase, so perhaps we’re underestimating.

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6 Comments so far ↓

  • Jordan

    It’s not exactly the same, but one of my friends is co-authoring a blog about Cerebus the Aardvark. One of the reoccurring characters in the comic, Red Sophia, is both a parody and at the same time, not much worse than the original.

    http://cereblog.org/

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Jordan: Wow, thanks for the tip. Huge fan of Cerebus back in the day, when I was first awakening to the possibilities of non-Marvel comics.

  • Kris

    awwww, don’t hate Ernie Reyes Jr!

    He was a martial arts prodigy in RL and in character he was a prince (not unlike the kid-turned-Girls-Gone-Wild-enterpreneur in Beastmaster) and he did fight in the movie. Saying he’s Short Round like is … umm… maybe a little racist, no? Just cuz he’s Asian?

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Kris: Don’t short-change Short Round! He does, indeed, fight in “Temple of Doom”. He also saves Indy from the spell of the “Blood of Kali”. Pretty brave–and still pretty annoying, IMHO.

    I didn’t make the comparison due to race, but rather because both characters are irritatingly precocious moppets who exist for a craven reason (i.e. to make the flicks more appealing to kids). Then again, I’ve developed a softer spot for child actors since having a kid of my own. So maybe I should watch both these movies again.

    Er, maybe. Consider those tasks near the bottom of my lengthy to-do list.

  • Kris

    Guess i need to watch Temple of Doom again myself! To see Short Round kickin’ some ass and to see how tame the violence in that movie probably seems now. I see the point about kid sidekicks existing for a craven reasons — or a least commercial reasons. Sorry about the j’accuse…cheers

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Kris: I had the misfortune of re-watching “Temple of Doom” about four or five years ago. Y’know, that scene where they rip the dude’s heart out still makes me cringe. It’s no “Apocalypto,” mind you, but pretty gory for a kid’s flick, even by today’s standards.

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