Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

In light of February’s horrific chimpanzee attack in Stamford, Connecticut legislators have proposed a sweeping ban on pets deemed capable of harming humans. And they’ve spared no effort in identifying animals who they’d like to render bestia non grata in the Nutmeg State. This entry in the bill’s verboten list caught Microkhan’s eye:

(10) The elephantidae, including, but not limited to, the hippopotamidae, including the hippopotamus.

Now, no question that hippos are dangerous creatures; why, just the other day a pair of Swazi fisherman narrowly avoided death-by-hippo while plying their trade. But as far as Microkhan can tell, no Connecticut resident owns a hippo, even of the pygmy variety. We’d be interested to know who recommended that hippos be added to the bill’s text; someone who was familiar with the tale of Calvin Coolidge’s pet hippo, perhaps.

In other hippo news, the debate continues to rage over whether hippos are more closely related to whales or pigs. We’re currently leaning toward the former.