Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

The Mother of All TD Dances

May 13th, 2009 · 6 Comments


For reasons best left unsaid, Microkhan found himself watching Bundesliga highlights yesterday evening. Not a bad time at all, but the Germans’ post-goal celebrations really disappoint. The whole running-toward-the-crowd-with-spread-arms thing is almost wholly lacking in imagination, and does little to express the pure joy of athletic genius.

This got us thinking about the celebratory dance that we’ve often wanted to perform after finishing a really good blog post: The legendary Merton Hanks chicken dance (above). It’s by no means as complex as several more revered post-touchdown shimmies (see: the Icky Shuffle), but there was something about Hanks’ raw agility that got to us every time.

In other words—totally, totally badass. We may have to bust this one out on May 26th, when our paperback finally drops. Don’t worry, though—we’ll be doing it in the privacy of our headquarters, with only Microkhan Jr. around to bear witness.

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6 Comments so far ↓

  • tcole

    One: European soccer is the shit, son! Though the Bundesliga pales in the presence of the Premier League or La Liga.
    Two: Merton Hanks’ chicken dance only works because his anatomy is quite avian like.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @tcole: Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Premiership fan (Sunderland supporter). Bundesliga seems robotic by comparison, and not in a good way. Great defense, though.

    As for his physique, I find it telling that Google’s auto-recommend feature includes the phrase “merton hanks neck.”

  • Gramsci

    How in Cthulhu’s name is that the only video of Hanks’ dance? That makes Zapruder’s look like HD– sacrilege.

    A propos of this blog’s polymathism in search of the holy first contact, I must say watching Peter Crouch’s robot dance for the first time was utterly terrifying and disorienting. It was like Mark Madsen in a Luis Bunuel film. I think there are cultural issues here about the nature of celebration, dance, and looking stupid.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Gramsci: I know, I know. Please, NFL, can’t you spread a little Hanks on The Tubes? We all seem to have misplaced our mid-90s footage…

  • Tony Comstock

    Congrats on the impending arrival of the paperback version of “NOW THE HELL WILL START”!!

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Tony: Many thanks, my man. I’ll be posting about some forthcoming NYC-area readings soon. Hopefully you can make it out to one.

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