Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

Conan the Philosopher

June 3rd, 2009 · 5 Comments

Jammin’ on the Now the Hell Will Start screenplay ’til quitting time, so we’re gonna leave you with an invaluable bit of barbarian wisdom. To be perfectly honest, we sorta find ourselves more in agreement with the nature-loving warrior who speaks first, and is promptly shouted down by the master. We’re just not that into hearing the lamentations of women, though we do enjoy seeing our enemies turn tail.

Oliver Stone wrote this screenplay amidst an astonishing creative run that also included Midnight Express and Scarface. Mixed in, however, was a flick called The Hand, starring Michael Caine in full “I need to pay the mortgage” mode. We’ve never seen it, but the tagline doesn’t seem too promising: “It lives. It crawls. And suddenly, it kills.”


Tags: ··

5 Comments so far ↓

  • Jordan

    On the other hand, having a falcon on your wrist gets really tiring after a while. If you don’t keep your hand up, they’ll start side-stepping up your arm.

  • scottstev

    PJ O’Rourke recently quotes Kipling voicing an Afghan tribesman “Four things greater than all things are,—Women and Horses and Power and War.”
    I hate to say it, but I think Stone has the better line here.

    Speaking of Caine in “Pay the Rent Mode,” My favorite is “The Island” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080934/ where descendants of 18th century pirates are able to overwhelm a fully armed Coast Guard cutter. Freaked me out when I saw it on Saturday afternoon TV.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @scottstev: In terms of literary talent, there’s little question that Stone > O’Rourke.

    “The Island” looks perfectly awful, though I’m intrigued by the talent matchup behind the camera–the director of “Bad News Bears,” the author of “Jaws.” I wonder how it stacks up against Michael Bay’s “The Island.” Not that I’m planning on finding out myself…

  • Larry Welz

    I was under the impression that John Milius, who wrote “Make my day!” wrote that.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Larry Welz: Milius directed and took a co-screenplay credit, but the conventional wisdom is that he muscled in on Stone’s screenplay.

    Don’t underestimate Oliver’s talent for muscular one-liners. The year after “Conan,” he came up with, “Say hello to my little friend!” (Not to mention a zillion other “Scarface” classics.)