Ordinarily we’d save Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent for our weekly Bad Movie Friday feature. But, honestly, we don’t think we can sleep too many more days without knowing exactly what star DMX mumbles in the middle of this trailer. We think his closing line is, “The only thing you have to look forward to is the stomach acid,” but that just makes zero sense. Can somebody with sharper ears than ours please advise?
Also, DMX—what happened to your thespian chops, good sir? You were actually damn solid in Belly—love that whole episode down in Jamaica with Louie Rankin. You even had your moments in Never Die Alone. So why the descent into Z-grade schlock in recent years? A little Shakespeare in the Park may be just what the doctor ordered—we think you’d make a fine General Alcibiades.