Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

“At the End of the Day, It’s Just a Snake”

September 1st, 2009 · 2 Comments

Ordinarily we’d save Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent for our weekly Bad Movie Friday feature. But, honestly, we don’t think we can sleep too many more days without knowing exactly what star DMX mumbles in the middle of this trailer. We think his closing line is, “The only thing you have to look forward to is the stomach acid,” but that just makes zero sense. Can somebody with sharper ears than ours please advise?

Also, DMX—what happened to your thespian chops, good sir? You were actually damn solid in Belly—love that whole episode down in Jamaica with Louie Rankin. You even had your moments in Never Die Alone. So why the descent into Z-grade schlock in recent years? A little Shakespeare in the Park may be just what the doctor ordered—we think you’d make a fine General Alcibiades.


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2 Comments so far ↓

  • Jeff

    I can venture a guess on the DMX prose…”The only thing you have to look forward to is the stomach acid”…Sounds to me like a biologicallly-challenged description of how crazy crazy hungry that snake really is…how being dissolved by snake stomach acid is a calming, soothing experience compared to “experiencing the serpents wrath.” Congrats on the 500, looking forward to more.

  • Brendan I. Koerner

    @Jeff: Thanks for clarifying the DMX quote. Sounds like someone thought they’d coined a tagline for the ages. Or maybe there’s a warehouse out there with 50,000 unsold coffee mugs bearing DMX’s pic and the motto The Only Thing You Have to Look Forward to is the Stomach Acid.

    Thanks for the congrats, too.