Unlike some past movies we’ve highlighted as part of Bad Movie Friday—notably the irredeemably dreadful Hard to Ticket to Hawaii—Gleaming the Cube is actually halfway watchable, provided you’re willing to switch off your brain for 90 minutes. But even when we’re feeling truly charitable, there are two things that can’t help but irk us to our core:
1) We were sentient in the ’80s. We skated in the ’80s. Heck, we even idolized Christian Hosoi for a spell. But until this flick came out, we had never heard the term “gleaming the cube.” We still think the title stems from someone playing a practical joke on the screenwriters—sort of like Darryl Philbin convincing Michael Scott that “fleece it out” and “going Mach 5” are staples of street slang.
2) In what universe can a skateboard outrace a frickin’ motorcycle? C’mon, bad guys—accelerate down that hill.