Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

Tempting, But…

June 20th, 2011 · 1 Comment


Banging out these words from the new global headquarters in Sunnyside, having left Harlem in the dust after seven wondrous years. As Microkhan Jr. and I headed for the 125th Street subway stop for the very last time, we passed one of the neighborhood oddities I’ll truly miss: the ATLAH World Missionary Church, infamous for its virulent anti-Obama stance. (Straight from the source here.) Standing outside was a girl of about eight, who handed the boy and I the flyer above. Yes, these folks have a day camp, and our progeny could take part for the low, low price of $50 per week (minus unspecified expenses).

As fate would have it, we are looking for some way to occupy Microkhan Jr.’s time now that his preschool has called it a year. But as much fun as that clip art makes the ATLAH camp appear, a few things on this flyer give me pause. For starters, the bold claim at the top regarding the church’s schools being among America’s best. Then there is the completely unexplained reference to “King Totally Good Joseph Day,” which compelled me to look up the holiday’s origins in James David Manning‘s delightfully zany The Oblation Hour, which is subtitled “This is a time-proven method to receive tailor-made, real-time, and fail-proof information on a daily basis to guide your life.” (Points for correct use of serial comma, penalty for repetition of the word “time.”–copy editor).

To briefly summarize: King Totally Good Joseph is a chess-playing angel who Manning met in Prospect Park about 25 years ago. This angel instructed Manning to use only “good words” from that point forward, a commandment that the pastor has evidently violated in his political discourse. KTGJ also displayed a penchant for combat boots and long overcoats—a slightly more badass look that we normally expect from heavenly visitors.

I’m crazy curious about how KTGJ’s holiday is celebrated. But that alone is not reason enough to send Microkhan Jr. to ATLAH’s summer camp. If any readers have the inside scoop on the day’s festivities, please advise.

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One Comment so far ↓

  • Jordan

    Not to mention that the ‘recruitment’ almost sounds like a Ponzi scheme. For summer camp. That’s a new one to me.

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