Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

Entries Tagged as 'primates'

Beyond Red/Blue

December 18th, 2012 · 1 Comment

As the map above shows, our nation’s pattern of monkey-ownership laws is not easy to predict based on geography alone. Reliably blue states such as Washington and Illinois have no problem with personal primates, while conservative bastions such as Louisiana and Georgia have enacted blanket bans. I can only guess that legislators react to specific […]

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To Russia, With Relief

April 19th, 2010 · 2 Comments

We’re never able to resist a story that involves marauding monkeys, and so the latest news out of Bugala Island couldn’t help but catch our eyes. As palm-oil production has expanded on Bugala, red-tailed monkeys have steadily lost habitat. The crafty primates, in return, have taken to ravaging the palms, seeing as how their older […]

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That’s What You Get for Not Hailing to the Chimp

February 26th, 2010 · No Comments

We have never attempted to conceal our fascination with movies starring non-human primates. That quirk of our character shines through yet again in this week’s Bad Movie Friday installment, featuring the 1951 Ronald Regan vehicle Bedtime for Bonzo. Suffice to say that the trailer above makes us weep for the scientific literacy of Eisenhower Era […]

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Harvey Takes a Stretch

February 12th, 2010 · 2 Comments

For the record, we think Harvey Keitel’s performance in Bad Lieutenant is one of the most awesome acting jobs in cinematic history. It’s such a grandiose villainous turn, in fact, that we have a tough time seeing him as anything other than a crack-smoking, sexually deviant New York City cop. And so we get a […]

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“How in the Future Will Man Take It?”

January 21st, 2010 · No Comments

A dastardly confluence of events has prevented us from Microkhaning to our full potential today. Back as soon as circumstances allow. In the meantime, take a break from the Game of Life by learning more about Ham the Chimp, one of the great unsung heroes of the American space program. Okay, perhaps “unsung” is a […]

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The Genius of Robert Vince

January 20th, 2010 · 3 Comments

When we were just a few years older than Microkhan Jr. is now, we developed a serious fascination with the Pippi Longstocking movies. At the time, it didn’t occur to us that the characters’ voices were dubbed, or that Pippi’s Popeye-liked strength defied logical explanation. All we cared about was the special bond that “the […]

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Vincent van Guenon

November 3rd, 2009 · 2 Comments

The industry that exists to service laboratory primates is surprisingly vast. Our close genetic cousins can’t just live off kibble while caged, nor can their brains remain limber with nothing more than a hamster wheel to occupy their time. So companies like New Jersey’s Bio-Serv exist to peddle “primate enrichment” products designed to make captivity […]

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Mzungu Back on the Scene

October 5th, 2009 · 2 Comments

After an interminable 27-plus hours in transit from Nairobi, punctuated by some dire experiences aboard Swiss Air, we finally made it back to Microkhan HQs late yesterday. Great to be back in sunny Atlah, though an enjoyable and productive time was had by all in Kenya. We’ll be posting plenty of East Africa-related material in […]

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Is Football Our Species’ Savior?

September 16th, 2009 · No Comments

In the course of conducting some morning research on chimpanzee cannibalism, we found ourselves absorbed in a 2006 paper that compared the aggressive tendencies of chimps and humans. (A PDF can be downloaded by clicking here.) As it turns out, humans and chimps are equally adept that cold-blooded murder, but our primate brethren are far […]

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Mortality as Morality

August 14th, 2009 · 4 Comments

We’ve yet to fully sort out our feelings about zoos. On the one hand, we obviously love us some exotic animals, especially those who occasionally turn on Man. (Yes, we’re macabre like that.) But the concept of captivity makes us more than a wee bit uncomfortable; we’ll never forget our last trip to the Bronx […]

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NIMBYism and Marauding Monkeys

July 7th, 2009 · No Comments

At first glance, it seems odd that residents of Guayama, Puerto Rico, would object so strenuously to the construction of a new monkey-breeding facility—especially since, as opponents make clear, they don’t have a moral problem with vivisection. They’re instead spooked by the prospect of escapees. “What’s the big deal?” you might ask. After all, it’s […]

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Sub-Orbital Ham

June 19th, 2009 · 1 Comment

While delving into the current doings in the Powerboat Superleague, we came across this tidbit from the Peoria Journal Star. Apparently the league won’t let you race unless you undergo “capsule training” every two years. This process entails being sealed up in a boat cockpit which is then flipped upside down in a pool. If […]

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Hippos Get the Shaft

May 5th, 2009 · 3 Comments

In light of February’s horrific chimpanzee attack in Stamford, Connecticut legislators have proposed a sweeping ban on pets deemed capable of harming humans. And they’ve spared no effort in identifying animals who they’d like to render bestia non grata in the Nutmeg State. This entry in the bill’s verboten list caught Microkhan’s eye: (10) The […]

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Medieval Monkeys

April 24th, 2009 · 6 Comments

Microkhan has a longstanding fascination with non-human primates, and so was intrigued to stumble upon the homepage of Kenneth Gouwens, a history professor at UConn. One of Gouwen’s specialties seems tailor-made for us: “Distinctions drawn between humans and simians in the Renaissance and in our own era.” Alas, Microkhan wasn’t able to locate any of […]

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Truly Lilliputian Jockeys

April 20th, 2009 · 7 Comments

To paraphrase a great eight-fingered, three-haired philosopher, there are few things in life that can’t be improved by the addition of a monkey. Such is the case with greyhound racing, an on-the-ropes pastime that briefly experimented with monkey jockeys during the Depression. According to a recent Australian reminiscence, things went awry due to the pint-sized […]

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Vanity Plus Guy in Cheap Gorilla Suit

March 30th, 2009 · 7 Comments

My 13-month-old son and I just spent an exceedingly pleasant evening listening to WEFUNK Show 555, a chronicle of Paisley Park‘s Golden Age creations. If you have even a passing interest in the genius/megalomania of Prince, the show is highly, highly recommended—not just for the killer music, but also for the fascinating trivia provided by […]

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The Monkeys Strikes Back

February 27th, 2009 · No Comments

I was watching a rerun of Six Feet Under last night, and caught a throwaway factoid that had slipped from my mind: Chimps are more closely related to us than they are to gorillas. My first thought upon hearing this, of course, was, “Well, where does that leave the poor monkeys on the primate scale?” […]

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The Mysteries of Chimp Strength

February 17th, 2009 · No Comments

A tragedy in Stamford brings an old mystery to the fore: Why are chimpanzees so fantastically strong, at least compared to their human brethren? The rule of thumb states that chimps are five-to-seven times stronger, pound-for-pound, than members of our species (with whom chimps share 99 percent of their DNA). That’s a bit puzzling, since […]

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