Microkhan by Brendan I. Koerner

The recent Snuggie fad has got me thinking about the infomercials of yesteryear, which provided invaluable companionship during my frequent bouts of insomnia. How I marveled at those knives capable of slicing through tin cans, or Ron Popeil’s dynamic range of chicken cookers. But nothing sticks in my mind quite like the oeuvre of Tom Vu, who charged yokels $1,000 per day for seminars on buying and selling distressed properties. Vu’s whole spiel, always delivered in his thick Vietnamese accent, was that he started off as a busboy, and ended up as a millionaire real-estate mogul. His moguldom is what earns him facetime with big-haired, bikini-clad models, most of whom appear to be rejects from a Whitesnake video casting call.

Contrary to rumors that had him doing hard time for fraud, Vu went on to become a top-flight poker star. But given the bevy of distressed properties on the market now, I wonder whether he’s tempted to rev the infomercial empire back up. Lord knows 3 a.m. TV needs a better-looking class of model than the ladies they get to don Snuggies.